


fraternity

by regionals



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Light Dom/sub, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 05:48:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10237226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regionals/pseuds/regionals
Summary: tyler has a wolf-like grin on his face, and he kisses the corner of josh's jaw, lowly asking, "do you want me to fuck you?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> dumb gays being dumb. the usual for one of my fics.

**fraternity**

 

josh stands off to the side at this party, not really interested in any of the people there, save for a specific person. he doesn't bother trying to hit on him, though, given he's still in the closet, and given that a bunch of his frat buddies are hanging around. he's a little lame, sipping at a glass of cranberry juice, pretending that it's alcoholic. alcohol is fun, sure, but josh isn't in the mood to wake up with his head spinning, vision blurred, not remembering whichever girl he fucked the night before, and not in the mood to find that his wallet had been emptied out. this specific scenario has happened more often than he'd like to admit.

while he's in the kitchen, which is off limits to everyone except the people who live in the house, the guy he'd been eyeballing comes sidling on up to him. josh knows who he is. his name is tyler joseph, and he's known for being a bit of a whore. he shows up to all of these parties, and lets almost anyone fuck him, gay, straight, or undecided.

josh has also talked to tyler joseph a few times. he's actually a pretty laid back guy, speaks softly, filled with small smiles, eyes always lit up with something akin to sunshine, and josh, honestly, melts whenever he gets the chance to talk to tyler, but he never lets it go any further than small talk in the one class they happen to share together, because he doesn't want to risk anything.

risk what, exactly, he isn't sure, but whatever reservations he had flies out the window when tyler's backing him against the counter, looking down at him, since he's a few inches taller, whispering, "hey, big boy, what are you doing tonight?" with a bit of a smirk on his face.

josh stammers a little bit, obviously flustered, and not sure on what he's supposed to do, especially since tyler's trailing his fingers up and down his sides, waiting patiently for an answer. josh is a little awkward, but he acts as if he isn't, whispering, "not much, babe," back to him.

he does catch the split second calculative look that comes across tyler's face, but as soon as he notices it, it's gone, and he's whispering, even quieter, directly into josh's ear, "take me somewhere private and we can have some fun."

"sounds good," josh is saying back, smoothly as possible, as he gently nudges tyler forward, subtly leading the way from the kitchen and to the upper level of the house, which is another place no one's allowed to be in unless they live there. (with a few exceptions. for example, one night stands with the person you've secretly been crushing on for the past two years.)

he's a little caught off guard when tyler's letting his jacket fall to the floor, followed by his button up, which had been unbuttoned in record time, and he's even more caught off guard when tyler's giving him a _look._ "are you going to stand there staring at me or are you going to do something?"

josh curses himself. he knows how the other guys are. he knows they're forceful and he knows tyler's probably expecting him to step up and take control of the situation, but that's not in his nature. _but,_ like he said, tyler's expecting him to, so he steps forward and nervously places his hands on tyler's hips, eventually gently trying to tug his jeans down.

something happens with tyler, josh can see the look on his face change, and this time it doesn't leave. the next thing he knows, tyler's reaching up, running his fingers through his hair, then curling his fist into a ball, and yanking on his hair, drawing a bit of a whine out of josh. a _good_ one.

tyler has a wolf-like grin on his face at the whine, then his lips are almost against one of josh's ears. he kisses the corner of josh's jaw, lowly asking, "do you want me to fuck you?"

and then josh does the most embarrassing thing possible--he _moans._ he's never had any guys ask him that before, since he's kind of muscular, and since outside of the bedroom he tends to act like an outgoing and confident person who takes charge in most situations. tyler can see past his bullshit apparently, though, so he nods.

"i didn't hear you." tyler's tone is mischievous and josh is definitely burning up right now, trying to ignore the tightness in his jeans. hell, he's embarrassed about how hard he already is just from a little bit of dirty talk.

"yes," he mumbles, but tyler yanks on his hair again and leans back, tightening his grip, and _correcting_ josh, saying, "yes _sir."_

"yes sir." josh's voice cracks on the 'sir,' and he whines again, partly because of the grip tyler has on his hair, trying to ignore how _good_ it feels, and partly because he's more turned on than he should be just from calling the other man 'sir.'

"that's better," tyler praises, and josh definitely melts, especially when the grip tyler's hand has on his hair lessens so he can slide his hand to the back of his head to pull him in for a sweet and slow kiss. josh has to let himself whine again when tyler pulls away, because, hey, he was really enjoying that kiss, alright?

tyler instructs josh to remove all of his clothes, including his underwear, and to lay on his back on the bed in the room. Josh knows the blush on his cheeks is spreading from his face, to his neck, and down his chest, especially when tyler's stripping himself of the rest of his own clothes, and walking across the bed on his knees until he's sitting between josh's legs, hands gripping his thighs a little too tight, looking down at him with something dark on his face.

josh quietly mumbles, "um t-ty- _uh_ \--s-sir? what... what exactly are you going to do...?"

"i'm going to fuck you," tyler states, bluntly. his face softens, though, as he asks, "have you ever bottomed before?"

josh shakes his head. "no, but i hate topping."

tyler leans to the left of the bed to get his wallet, producing a packet of lube and a condom, and asking, "why do you hate topping?"

"too much work. um--that--that sounds lazy."

"you mean that you don't like being in control...?" tyler supplies.

josh nods, hiding his face, but his hands fly from his face to fist the sheets beside him when tyler's taking his cock in his hand, using only spit to make the experience less dry, claiming that he's trying to preserve the lube for when they really need it.

"can i ask why you hate being in control?"

"i--i don't know. everyone always--always-- _fuck, that feels good--_ everyone always expects me to take charge because i'm some big-wig football prodigy and i'm all muscular and handsome and stuff, but i--i just--my brain overloads and sometimes it'd be nice if someone else took control and let me have a break."

tyler smirks. "luckily for you, i kind of hate subbing."

that's all that it takes for josh to actually and finally let go, giving tyler almost one hundred percent control of their current situation. he nods, and gives his consent when he needs to, trying to be quiet, since they aren't the only ones in the house. tyler's pretty good at shutting him up by either covering his mouth with his hand, or kissing him deeply.

josh is a little nervous about all of this, and even though tyler told him to be quiet, he still finds himself sitting up a little bit, and saying, "can we slow down? i'm--i'm kind of overwhelmed."

he feels a little bad, but tyler's face softens again, and he nods, saying, "whatever you need, princess," in almost a whisper. the pet name makes josh whine a little bit, and he's laying back down, stomach doing somersaults in his abdomen. he's only ever been called daddy, and all that ever did for him was make him roll his eyes. "is anything specific overwhelming you?"

"i'm jus' nervous. s'my first time, and i'm afraid it's gonna hurt. does it hurt?"

tyler's honest with him. "your first few times, yeah, it hurts a little bit, given your partner knows what they're doing, and it always hurts just a little bit, but that's part of it, y'know? if you wanna stop, then say so and i'll, like... jack off in the bathroom then take you to denny's or something." tyler offers him a kind smile and josh trusts him for whatever reason.

"i don't want to stop--but--uh--y'know."

"i know, man, i definitely know. trust me. i know what i'm doing and i'm going to try to make this experience feel as good as possible for you, alright? i'll take care of you."

"i trust you," josh mumbles. tyler grins and leans up to kiss him, and he doesn't pull away immediately either. josh puts his hands on his head, kind of needing this kiss, and when tyler does pull away, he runs his fingers through josh's soft brown hair, and josh leans into the touch.

his hand is gone, though, and tyler's maneuvering back down his body he rips open the packet of lube, and dips a finger into it. "okay, this is gonna feel weird, but give it a chance, alright?"

josh nods, breath hitching when he feels tyler's slicked up finger prodding him, then gasping when it's pushing in. tyler rubs his thigh, mumbles, "try to relax. it'll feel better. i'd offer up some poppers or ecstasy, but i don't think you need to get tweaked for this." tyler smirks a little bit.

"are you? tweaked, i mean."

"nah. i mean, i have poppers on me, and usually i use them, but i'm not the one with a finger in my ass, now am i?"

"uh--true, very true," josh's voice cracks on the first 'true' and his voice is still a few octaves higher than it usually is. tyler's right about it feeling weird, but all of josh's reservations fly out the window for a second time that night when tyler's finger brushes against his prostate. josh has tried fingering himself before, but his fingers are too short to reach.

tyler, though, has long fingers, and he's smirking up at josh, before he's taking the head of josh's dick into his mouth as he's working his finger in and out of the other man. he asks, "do you think you could do another finger, baby?" and josh nods, both kind of curious about what it feels like but also just wanting to please tyler, and to just obey him, _like a good boy._

"i can, please."

josh finds himself whining when tyler retracts his finger, but tyler just swats his thigh before he's dipping both of his fingers into the lube again, and bringing his fingers back down. josh lets out a little hiss at the stretch, and tyler praises him, praises him for doing _so good,_ looking satisfied with himself when josh has to hide his face. "let me see your beautiful face, baby."

josh obeys, face flushing even more than it had been beforehand.

tyler works him up to three fingers, and, eventually his other hand takes up permanent residence over josh's mouth, while tyler shushes him, but also makes it very hard for him to be quiet, since he's going down on josh at the same time as his fingers are moving in and out of him at an unbelievable pace, attacking his prostate relentlessly.

josh lets out a high pitched and keening whine when tyler's pulling his fingers out of his ass and his dick out of his mouth, but it turns into a moan when he catches sight of tyler rolling a condom onto his cock, which is actually kind of big and josh is both nervous but excited for it. tyler uses a good bit of what was left of the lube to slick up his cock, then using the rest to drizzle over josh's hole before he's lining his dick up, and slowly, _slowly_ starting to push in.

tyler's hands are holding josh's legs up, and he stops whenever josh asks him to, and continues his process of bottoming out with pauses here and there to let him adjust until he's fully seated inside of him. he lets go of josh's legs, which end up just spread wide beneath him, so he can bend down to kiss the trembling man before him while also stroking his cock to make sure his erection doesn't flag.

when josh grows desperate, he pulls away from the kiss, whispering, "tyler, please," against the other man's mouth, and tyler grunts as he sits up, wrapping a hand around josh's neck to hold him in place, saying, "what was that?"

josh blanks for a few seconds before realization dawns on him, and he's correcting himself, saying, "s-sir, please."

"that's better, but please what?"

"sir, please, _please_ fuck me." josh never thought he'd be getting off on calling someone 'sir,' but this night is filled with a whole bunch of firsts for him, so he's not surprised.

the _"good boy,"_ that tyler lets out has josh whimpering. tyler pulls out until just the tip of his cock is still inside, then he's thrusting back in, slightly faster and without any pauses.

he keeps up a tortuously slow pace, only speeding up when josh starts whining again, letting out strings of sirs and pleases, fingernails digging into tyler's back. tyler can't bring himself to deny josh, he really can't, and, eventually, he's relentlessly pounding into him, moaning softly at the feeling of blunt fingernails being dragged down his back, probably drawing blood.

josh comes a few minutes before tyler does, and during that window of time, he's trying not to writhe, trying not to scream from the overstimulation, but then tyler's thrusts are becoming sloppy and he's moaning a little louder than he had been before he's spilling into the condom with a grunt.

tyler catches his breath before pulling out, tying the condom off, throwing it into a waste bin next to the bed, then flopping down next to josh. he rolls onto his stomach, half of his body on josh, and runs his fingers through josh's hair, saying, "you with me, baby?"

josh opens his eyes, and nods, still breathing heavily.

tyler smiles and kisses his cheek. "good."

***

josh both avoids tyler but also kind of stalks him. okay, not stalks him, but he conveniently starts hanging around the same bars and general places that tyler does, pretending he doesn't exist but also kind of staring at him a lot. josh is an awkward guy, and he really wishes he had the balls to actually talk to tyler rather than admiring him from afar. he knows that it was just a one night stand, that it didn't mean anything, especially not to tyler, given how many people he sleeps with, but something about it just... something _stuck_ with josh. no one's ever treated him like that before, and he loved it while it lasted. he doesn't even know what he's doing, chasing after a guy who probably isn't interested, but he can't help it. tyler joseph is intriguing, and he's going to ruin josh's life.

josh has a night a month or two after his one night stand with tyler where he needs to get away from campus and his fraternity, so one of his friends invites him to go look at an art exhibit. his friend is the event coordinator for the gallery, and most of the artists that come through are students at the college josh goes to, or freelancers from around the state.

josh dresses up, looking ambiguous, managing to skirt the other men he lives with. he's wearing a button-up with a bow tie with a simple sports coat, and leather pants tight enough to, possibly, cut off the circulation in his legs, then his finest pair of combat boots. usually, he can't get away with wearing anything other than t-shirts, jeans, maybe a varsity jacket, and tennis shoes without anyone asking him if he bats for the other team, or flipping him shit in general.

stepping into the art exhibit, josh is awestruck. the paintings--they're amazing, beautiful, even. he's not the kind of person who even likes art, usually, but the colors and the composition and the lighting and the things in the paintings are absolutely amazing. josh catches sight of the event coordinator, his friend, and walks over to her, grinning, saying, "hey, man, how's it going?"

she grins up at him and stands on her toes to kiss his cheek, affectionately. "hi, josh! i'm glad you came. how's college going?"

"eh, it's alright. alright grades, an alright social life, still in the closet, but i'll deal." josh shrugs, and thanks one of the caterers that walks by and offers him a glass of champagne. he takes a sip. josh likes champagne, honestly. so, on top of being surrounded by good art, he has champagne. his night is basically made.

"have you met anyone?" jenna tucks a piece of blonde hair behind her ear.

"kind of, i guess. i have a crush on him. we had a one night stand and i see him around campus a lot but i haven't had the nerve to talk to him since we fucked. he's a ridiculously good fuck, like, best i've ever had kind of fuck, and we all know i've gotten around."

jenna smiles this sweet but almost catlike smile, nudging josh. "you should try talking to him. ask him on a date or something."

he shrugs, swishing the champagne around in the glass a bit before taking another sip. "maybe. anyways, who's the artist this time?"

"tyler joseph. he's a junior at stanford, in the art department, and he uses a lot of interesting techniques to paint. a mixture of oil pastels, acrylics, watercolor even, then digital manipulation. he's really talented, and he makes bank on having exhibits like this once every few months."

josh chokes on a different sip of champagne, sharply whispering, _"are you fucking serious?"_ under his breath, continuing with, "he's the guy i fucked! i've been trying to avoid him!" josh looks mortified, and his mortification increases tenfold as tyler just so happens to rear his not ugly but actually very beautiful head, face unreadable, aside from the smirk on his face. jenna bites her cheek and walks off, giving josh a slightly suggestive look.

"good to see you again, josh," tyler says, seemingly friendly.

josh is burning up, afraid to say anything other than a timid, "hi."

"i've noticed that you've been following me around," he comments, not even looking at josh, but examining the people who are examining his paintings.

josh cringes. "i'm so sorry. i've been trying to work up the nerve to talk to you, but i haven't had it in me, and like, i know it's creepy but every time i see you somewhere, i'm like, 'today is the day--i'm going to talk to him,' but i never do." he's rambling on, face even redder.

"i'm not mad, josh. in fact, i think it's cute. i think you're cute." tyler scratches the side of his face, muttering something about stubble, needing to shave, and irritated skin before changing the subject. "do any of these catch your eye?"

josh points towards one across the room, shyly. "the one with the feathers." it's a painting of someone hunched over, their face not visible, but josh thinks that if it were, it'd be a profile of a beautiful person, since all of the faces in tyler's paintings are beautiful. there's black goop and feathers and sharp shadows coming from the person's back, and it just--it looks cool.

"that's a good choice. why exactly?" tyler looks at josh now, eyebrows raised slightly, expression still unreadable. josh kind of likes but also kind of hates that he doesn't really know where he stands with tyler.

"it looks cool, and it kinda... am i allowed to have my own interpretation...?"

"that's what art is about. expression and interpretation. i don't tell people what my art represents, because everyone has their own interpretation, and it's personal, y'know? tell me. i won't be offended."

"i feel like that. that painting, like, the way there's a presence on that person's back, basically--that's how i feel. i always feel like there's some presence between my shoulder blades, whether it's because i'm closeted or because i'm insecure, plus, it looks really cool, like i said."

"do you want it?"

"oh--um--are you sure?"

"it's a print, man. i have plenty of prints of that one. if you want that print specifically, you can have it, free of charge. i'll look into getting it framed, then talk to jenna about getting it to you asap. if you want it, that is."

"uh--that--that's incredibly kind of you."

he shrugs, and produces a pen and a piece of crumpled up paper from the back pocket of his pants. he tells josh to turn around, and uses his back to scribble down his phone number, before reaching around him and tucking the piece of paper into the right front pocket on his leather pants, whispering, "you look really handsome tonight. call me and we can go on a date or _something_. for now, though, i need to go kiss some art critic ass."

josh is frozen to his spot, eyes wide for a few minutes before his brain catches up, registering what had just happened. he only sticks around for another ten minutes, just so he can look around the exhibit, before he leaves. this is the first time he's ever gotten a guy's number, and out of all the girls and guys he's slept with, it's the only number he actually saves to his phone.

***

josh manages not to be a creep for the two weeks leading up to the one night he gets stoned and gathers up the courage to call tyler on the phone. he makes sure his bedroom door is locked, and sticks a chair under the doorknob to the bathroom that he shares with the guy in the room next to his before he pulls up tyler's contact. tyler's picture is a picture he'd found of him on facebook, and he looks really good in it. it's one of his less popular ones--it's one someone took of him where he's painting, and he has purple paint smeared across one of his cheeks, and he looks so passionate and full of life and josh loves it.

he hits the call button, and holds his phone up to his ear, wishing his heart would quit trying to beat it's way out of his chest, taking the back off of the remote to the tv in his room and putting it back on, over and over, until he hears tyler's voice, saying, _"hello?"_

josh opens his mouth and his voice catches in his throat until he awkwardly says, "it's uh--it's me," immediately mentally cursing at himself, since that's probably the worst thing he could've said.

_"okay? there's a lot of 'mes' in this world."_

"josh. it's josh."

_"oh! you! you, uh, you're the guy who's been following me around, right?"_

"uh, yep. that'd be the one. i--i'm sorry i haven't called sooner. i would've, but i've been too nervous. kind of scared you weren't being serious."

_"of course i was being serious. you're adorable."_

"thanks, i guess. you said call and we could go on a date or 'something.' and i'm calling, so, y'know."

_"hm. do you want to hang out tonight?"_

"what does hanging out entail?" josh knows he's going to say yes either way, since he's desperate for tyler's attention, but he also wants to know what he's getting himself into.

_"share a six pack, order a pizza, watch a movie, maybe have a deep conversation or something. you sound like you're going to shit your pants any second now, so i don't want to scare you off. does that sound alright?"_

he wasn't expecting that, but he's more than okay with it. "that sounds awesome, actually. when, uh, when can i come over...? do you live on campus?"

_"i live a few blocks away from campus. do you want my address? it's close enough to walk."_

josh picks at one of his toenails, and bites his lip. "it's kind of dark out, and i'd have to look presentable, so it'd be completely dark by the time i started walking. this part of the city is kinda scary at night, so i dunno..."

_"i can pick you up, if you want. it's not a problem."_

"you'd do that?"

_"of course i would. you don't feel safe walking at night, and if you don't feel safe doing something, then i'm not going to make you."_

josh sighs inaudibly, cheeks burning for some reason. tyler sounds like he's trying to take care of him, and it's... reassuring, in a way. "you know where i live, right?"

_"i forgot, honestly."_

"the one frat house with a dick spray painted onto the front of it. no one's gotten around to painting it yet."

_"oh, that one. yeah, i know the one. i'm the one who spray painted it. someone in there threw a balloon of shaving cream at me at some point, and as an artist, i'm not short on cans of spray paint, so, yeah."_

josh chuckles. "really?"

_"alright, alright, i'm fibbing. just trying to seem cool. i do know the one, though. i drive past it on my way to my morning classes. want me to park a few houses down since you aren't out?"_

and josh swoons. tyler remembers that he's not out, and is considerate of his safety and feelings. "yeah, honestly. uh. can you give me half an hour to get dressed and stuff...? kind of sitting in my underwear and a dirty t-shirt and i haven't shaved in, like, a week."

_"of course, sweetheart. i'll see you."_

josh hangs up after that, and hides his face in his pillow for a few minutes before he's going into the bathroom, locking either door, and setting a towel out and grabbing a wash cloth before getting into the shower. he takes a speedy shower, and makes sure to clean every inch of his body, and he means _every_ inch. he scrubs himself with soap, the wash cloth, and body wash, using someone else's shampoo that smells better than his own, then conditioner to add to the scent. he pretty much sprays his entire body with deodorant. not obnoxiously, but, like, he didn't want to smell like armpit around tyler. axe, body wash, and shampoo/conditioner was better than smelling like armpit.

josh pulls on his leather pants once he's back in his room, since they make his ass look amazing. he finds a satin button up, and a cardigan to match. unbuttoned of course, since it looks weird buttoned, and he winces, because he looks gay, but he's pretty sure he looks cute. he scratches the side of his face, and considers changing, but tyler's sent him a text message to say that he's parked a few houses down. josh weighs his options--go through the house and out the front door and risk being seen and risk being hazed, or climb out of his window and use the nearby tree to get down safely.

obviously, he goes with the window option. he manages not to hurt himself, and he walks towards a car that has headlights on, although dim. he taps on the window of the passenger's side, and he's relieved when he sees that tyler's the one leaning over to open the door, saying, "the outside handle doesn't work for whatever reason," as josh gets in.

tyler comments on his choice of outfit. "cute. navy blue's definitely your color."

josh shrugs, looking into his lap, and playing with his fingers a little bit. he mumbles, "thank you, sir," without really even thinking about it, and when he realizes what he said he looks at tyler for half a second before placing his hands over his face. "oh my god, i can't believe i just fucking said that out loud."

tyler laughs, but when he notices that josh is starting to tremble a little bit, curling in on himself, his face sobers up. "hey, c'mon, sweetheart. i wasn't laughing at you, alright? i just think you're adorable, and i thought it was cute how flustered you got from calling me 'sir.'"

"i'm so embarrassed. i don't even know why i called you that. i'm such an idiot."

tyler shushes him. "you're not an idiot. did you _like_ calling me that? be honest with me."

josh glances at him for a seconds before looking away again and quietly admitting, "yeah. i just don't want you getting scared off."

tyler snorts. "i don't scare easy, princess."

aaand josh lets himself melt, letting out a breath. his breath hitches when he feels tyler's lips ghosting against his ear, whispering, "you like it when i call you princess?"

josh nods and finally lets his hands fall back into his lap. "yeah."

"what was that?"

"uh--yes, _sir."_

"good. you wanna skip the movie and the pizza...?"

josh, again, says, "yes, sir," because, honestly, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't already half hard.

tyler smirks and kisses josh's neck before he shifts gears in the car, and starts driving. the drive to his apartment takes about ten minutes, given the traffic, and josh spends a good portion of it trying not to whine, since tyler's hand starts at his knee, slowly inching it's way up his thigh, until tyler's palming at his dick. his hand always retracts, though, since he's either changing gears, flicking his turn signal on or off, or to grab the wheel while he turns, and when his hand returns, it's always at his knee again, and sometimes it doesn't even make it to his dick before tyler's having to withdraw it again.

josh manages to find it in himself to protest, saying, "quit teasing me," which just prompts tyler to chuckle, retorting with, "you aren't calling the shots right now," _which_ causes josh to whimper, high in his throat. tyler's right. he's not calling the shots.

josh walks behind tyler once they're out of his car, trying to hide his painfully obvious boner by sticking close to the taller man. they ride in the elevator to the sixth floor (out of ten) in the apartment complex tyler lives in, and tyler uses the time and privacy to ask, "do you have a safe word?"

"do i need one?" josh asks a little apprehensively.

"just in case something's too much and you need to stop."

josh racks his brain for a few seconds before saying, "football. is that good?"

"yep. you don't usually say football during sex, do you?"

josh shakes his head, giggling a little bit. "no, i don't, sir."

"that's good," tyler comments. when they step out of the elevator, tyler has a slightly possessive arm around josh's waist, and josh subconsciously sticks as close as possible to tyler's side.

tyler's apartment is nicer than josh expected. it smells kind of citrusy, and it's clean, save for a corner of his living room with tarps taped to the wall and the floor with an easel in in the corner and bits of paint all over the tarps.

josh is also expecting tyler's bedroom to be some sort of sex dungeon, but it's not. it's normal, sort of messy in a lived in kind of way, though he can see a bottle of lube on his dresser and an opened box of condoms next to it. the sight makes his face flush red, and tyler catches it. "never seen lube and a box of condoms before?" he teases.

"of--of course i have," josh defends himself, scrunching his face up for a second.

tyler smirks, and josh almost yelps when he's being pulled forward after tyler hooks his fingers through his belt loops. tyler kisses him, deeply, and josh reciprocates after a second or two of being caught off guard. tyler's hands end up resting possessively on his hips, and josh throws his own arms over tyler's shoulders. tyler tugs his cardigan off of him, then unbuttons his shirt without even breaking the kiss. josh shivers when he's left in his pants, since it's a little cold in tyler's apartment.

when tyler does pull away, it's so he can take his sweater off, but he stops dead in his tracks when he looks at josh's chest. he reaches out, and rubs his thumbs over josh's nipples, asking, "and what are these?"

"uh... piercings," josh supplies.

"i don't remember these," he comments, still rubbing his thumbs over them.

josh inhales and manages not to make any sort of provocative noise. "i know you don't. i, uh, got them done a few days after you, uh... yeah."

"after i what?" tyler raises his eyebrows, knowing full well what josh meant.

"after... _you know."_

josh hides his face in his hands again, but that only lasts for a few seconds because tyler's pulling his hands away, and holding them, saying, "no need to hide such a beautiful face. anyways, tell me. after i _what?"_

"it was after you--after you--uh--after you fucked me." josh rushes through that, just to get it out of the way.

"slow down, man. i didn't catch that."

josh internally groans at the teasing look he gets. "i said, i got my nipples pierced a few days after you fucked me." josh says it slowly, somehow unable to break eye contact with tyler, sure that his face was going to melt off just from being so hot and red.

tyler grins. "there we go, princess." he drops josh's hands and goes back to what he was doing originally, pulling his sweater off, and then his hands are back on josh, except this time he's unbuckling his belt, then unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. josh remembers that he forgot to put on underwear as his dick springs free as tyler's pulling his pants down to about the middle of his thighs. "oh, going commando, i see?"

josh shrugs, figuring it's not worth it to say that he forgot to put on underwear. he thinks intentionally not wearing underwear is less embarrassing than forgetting to. tyler stands up straight, at full height, and he's apparently more than a few inches taller than josh. it's more like four inches instead of two like he'd thought.

josh is expecting tyler to pull his pants down the rest of the way, but he doesn't. instead, he unbuttons his jeans and tugs them and his briefs down far enough for him to free his cock, and he strokes it a few times, sighing contentedly before he's looking at josh with purpose in his eyes. he places his hands on the shorter man's broad shoulders, and pushes down. it takes about fifteen seconds before josh gets the hint to drop to his knees.

he goes to stroke his own cock, but tyler stops him, knocking his hand away with his sock covered foot, saying, "don't touch yourself. i want you desperate for me. i want you to beg me to touch your cock, maybe even to suck it."

josh whimpers, and his mouth drops open when tyler fists his hair, yanking his head back so he's forced to look up at him. "i want you to suck my cock. i want your lips around my dick, and i want them red and raw by the time i'm done with you, i want you to choke on it, spit dripping down your chin, eyes watering to the point that you have tears running down your cheeks." josh outright moans at that.

before tyler does anything, though, he drops to his knees too, hands on either sides of josh's face, looking at him with a soft look. his voice is soft and gentle, and not low, gravelly, and the definition of dominance when he all but whispers, "if at any point this is too overwhelming for you, please don't be afraid to tell me to stop or to use your safe word, alright? i want you to feel safe, and i want you to know i would never intentionally hurt you. well, at least not without your consent." tyler smirks as he says the last sentence, then chuckles before kissing josh. "how are you doing right now?"

"more turned on that i've ever been in my life, and i'm twenty one, _and_ nothing's even happened yet."

"good. if that changes or if you're uncomfortable or if you don't feel safe, say something, alright, princess?"

josh nods, and before tyler stands up again, josh leans in for a kiss. tyler indulges him, and pets his hair for about half a minute before he stands up and balls his fist up in josh's hair again, face shifting back into what it was. josh swallows before letting his mouth fall open, tongue lolling out just enough to where it covers the teeth on his bottom jaw. "you look so pretty like that, princess," tyler praises. "you ever sucked a cock before?" when josh nods, he grips his cock with the hand that's not in josh's hair, and guides it into his mouth.

he's slow as he slides it in all the way, and josh learns that he doesn't have a gag reflex. tyler notices as well, and grins with a mischievous glint in his eye. "oh, this is going to be fun."

josh's eyes are already starting to water, and the amount of spit that starts dribbling down his chin only increases as tyler's slow thrusts pick up a decent and steady pace. he's not slamming into josh's throat, since that'd hurt him given he's never had his mouth fucked before. josh is enjoying the feeling of being used like this. enjoying that tyler's just _using_ him as if he were some plaything.

josh does choke a little bit, but he doesn't gag, and tyler's moaning pretty loudly, praising him, saying things like, "you have such a pretty little mouth, made to be fucked--god, you look so beautiful like this, princess. so, so good," as he's gripping josh's hair and moving his head while also moving his own hips, thrusting. "oh, fuck, i'm so close," tyler says, voice raising a few octaves, before he pulls out.

both of them pant, heavily, josh trying to figure out how to breathe again, and tyler trying back away from the edge he's teetering on--the edge of coming. once he has himself under control, he holds his hands out towards josh, and josh takes hold of them, letting tyler pull him back into a standing position. tyler takes a second to ask, "are you doing alright, sweetheart?"

josh nods, and tyler lets the more muscular man hug him. josh has his face pressed against the space between tyler's neck and shoulder, breathing in his scent, and tyler's running his fingers through the hair on the back of josh's head, hugging him back, whispering praise to him. josh lets out a shaky breath, and tyler rubs his back before holding his shoulders and pushing him away slightly so he can make eye contact. "do you want to continue, or do you want me to get you off?"

"i want you to fuck me until i can't walk tomorrow," josh states, bluntly, uncharacteristically confident.

tyler grins. "atta boy. you just want to be good for me, don't you?"

josh nods, meekly, and obeys tyler when he's instructed to pull his pants the rest of the way off, and to lay down in the middle of the bed with his legs spread. tyler's pants come off soon after josh is laying on the bed, and he's handing josh a bottle of lube as he's saying, "i want you to stretch yourself for me."

he sits at the edge of the bed on his calves, watching as josh pops the cap on the bottle of lube drizzling some onto his right ring and middle fingers. he swats josh's hand away from his cock, saying, "you don't get to touch yourself. only i do," smiling proudly when josh nods, and says, "yes, sir."

tyler's eyebrows shoot up when josh easily pushes two fingers into himself right off the bat. "well, that's new. last time i was with you, you could barely fit one of my fingers into your tight little hole. you've been fingering yourself, haven't you? stretching yourself out so you could take any cock of any man that happened to came along, happened to be willing to fuck your pretty little brains out."

josh whimpers. "you're right, sir. i've just--i've been so desperate, so desperate to get fucked, for someone to throw me onto the bed and fuck me until i forgot my own name. i want it so bad, really, _really_ want it."

"think you can do three fingers?"

josh has never nodded so fast in his life.

"use your words, princess."

"yes, sir."

"that's better, baby."

josh works three fingers into himself, and he's apparently a little overzealous, because tyler swats his thigh. "slower. don't want you coming before i have a chance to fuck you until you're screaming my name."

josh stops, eventually, saying, "daddy, i'm ready," in a breathy and gravelly voice, eyes desperate, mouth open so he can breathe heavily.

tyler's eyes widen at the new nickname but he regains composure quickly. "want daddy to fuck your tight little asshole? want me to make you scream?" he's quick about scooting forward on the bed so he can take the lube from josh. "want me to come in your tight little ass? fill you up like a _whore?_ "

josh says, "oh god, _fuck me,_ please please _please!"_

tyler definitely hops to. he mutters filthy things to josh, forcefully grabbing his thighs as he moves forward, moving them to where they're spread even wider, sure to leave at least a few marks, and he nips at josh's neck, sucking bruises into it as he's slicking his cock up, and lining it up, pushing in. he doesn't start fucking josh right away, since he's still not used to bottoming, but things escalate quicker than they had the last time.

tyler holds onto the headboard on his bed for leverage, and josh has his hands on tyler's waist as he's fucking into him mercilessly, hitting his prostate dead on almost every time. josh is holding back noises, and tyler glares down at him with a glare that holds no water, saying, "quit holding back. i want to hear you moan like the little cockslut you are."

and _god,_ the loud, wanton moan josh lets out is so rewarding to tyler. josh is more vocal, too, saying things along the lines of, "oh, _fuck fuck fuck,_ please don't stop, daddy, _please please please_ don't stop," and variations of it.

"i wonder what your little frat buddies would think if they knew you took it like the good little whore you are," tyler gets out, looking down at josh, who just huffs half heartedly before going back to being noisy and oh so beautiful to tyler.

josh says, "daddy i'm close," at some point, without tyler even having touched his cock. "i need to touch."

"no, you don't. you're going to come from my cock, and nothing else," tyler all but growls in response, thrusting even faster, which neither of them thought was really possible at that point, but, of course, there's a first time for everything.

when josh comes, it's with a shout and it's hard, especially since tyler gives in and strokes his cock fast and messily as he does. tyler doesn't stop fucking into him mercilessly, doesn't even slow down, and josh writhes, eyes wide and mouth open, letting out insanely high pitched moans that are on the verge of being screams.

tyler fucks josh through his own orgasm, and when he's done, he working on getting his breathing under control, head tilted up towards the ceiling like josh's had been earlier. josh whines, mostly from the overstimulation. "tyler, pull out, please. too sensitive."

tyler doesn't hesitate, and he bends down to lick his own come out of josh's asshole before it has a chance to hit his bed sheets. josh whines even more, mumbling, "that really shouldn't be hot," as tyler swallows.

"but it is, isn't it?"

josh nods a little bit, and when tyler's getting up from the bed, he has a look akin to panic on his face. "where are you going?"

"i'm just going to get a washcloth and i'm going to run a bath for you, alright? i won't be gone long."

"why a bath?" josh asks, eyebrows furrowed a bit.

"babe, i wasn't exactly gentle with you, and aftercare is really important. i won't be gone for more than three minutes, i promise."

josh bites his lip and nods, and tyler kisses him on the nose before he's walking out of his bedroom and into the hall bathroom, which is the only bathroom in the apartment. josh watches the clock, and tyler was right--it only took him two minutes to walk back into the bedroom. he sits on josh's thighs, and he takes one of josh's hands, pressing the cloth onto it. "is this warm enough?"

josh nods. "yeah, it is."

"that's good." he wipes josh's stomach free of cum, and folds the cloth up into fourths before throwing it and landing it directly into his laundry hamper. he climbs off of josh's thighs so he can ask, "think you can walk to the bathroom, princess?"

josh sits up, wincing, then hisses a little bit as he tries, and fails, to stand on his feet. he falls back down onto the bed, so tyler gets up and walks around the bed so he can help josh stand up, with his arm around josh's waist, and josh's arm thrown over his shoulder. tyler holds onto his hand, and his waist as he walks with him, slowly, to the bathroom.

the bathtub is filled up to a good amount, so once he gets josh seated in the tub, and once he makes sure it's a good temperature, he turns the water off. "do you want a bath bomb?"

"a what?" josh asks with a weird face, looking up at tyler curiously.

"a bath bomb. they smell really good and they make the water look like an explosion of colors, basically. i kind of went on a shopping spree at lush the last time i got paid good for my art," tyler admits, sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "i have a bunch of 'galaxy' ones that are, like, purple with glitter and blue here and there that, y'know, look like galaxies. they're pretty dope."

"it, uh... sounds cool. you sure you want to spare one?"

"yeah, man. it's fine. i have like six of them." tyler waves his hand dismissively and rummages through one of the drawers on the counter that his sink is in, producing a purple orb that catches josh's attention.

tyler gently places it into the water, and josh mumbles, "holy shit," under his breath as it just... _explodes._ "dude, this is the coolest fucking thing that's ever happened to me, and i've literally won national football competitions." his voice is kind of hoarse, barely louder than a whisper, and tyler can't help but to kiss his cheek.

"uh, i'll--i'll leave you alone until you wanna get out, then."

"wait--you're not... you're not staying...?"

"do you want me to?"

josh nods and bites the inside of his cheek. "yeah. i'm, uh... i'm kind of a clingy person, i guess."

"it's alright," tyler assures him as he climbs into the bath, sitting behind josh, who leans into his chest, letting his head loll back. "most of the people i sleep with need alone time after stuff like that. it takes a lot out of a person, and a lot of people get super overwhelmed."

tyler pets josh's hair. josh admits, "i feel kind of funny."

tyler, worried, asks him why. he doesn't want the man currently using him as a pillow to feel anything other than safe.

"not in a bad way. i don't know the word for how i feel." josh sighs, and opens his eyes a little bit. he can't look at tyler's face from this angle, so he takes to staring at a cracked tile on the wall. "i think i needed that. i'm always so... in charge, or expected to be, at least. i get all this responsibility shoved onto me, and all of these things are expected of me, and sex wise, people expect me to top or to be all dominant since i'm muscular and really masculine, but i don't feel that way. do you understand that?"

"i do. it's nice to have a break, right? to just... have someone else take over? get you out of your mind for a while?"

"yeah. i didn't know that, like... this was an actual feeling i could feel. safe, i think. i feel safe."

"good. that's what i want you to feel. i didn't go too far while we were going at it, did i...?"

"not really."

"not really?"

"it was overwhelming, but not too overwhelming. just wasn't used to it. definitely the best sex i've ever had, though." josh lets out a moan, not a sexual one, though, when tyler rubs his arms, gently but firmly. "am i spending the night?"

"if you want to. if not, then i'll drive you back. i'd kind of like it if you spent the night, though. you're probably gonna be sore as all get out in the morning, and i'm going to feel bad, so i'll inevitably end up either making breakfast, or i'll try making breakfast and fail miserably, so i'll force you to take four advil then i'd take you to denny's or something and maybe see if i could talk you into skipping class for the day so i could pamper you."

"what does pampering entail?"

"it entails actually watching something and spending time together rather than fucking. i think you're gonna want to skip class and take me up on the offer. speaking from personal experience, by the way." they sit in silence after that, both of them with their eyes closed, until tyler thinks of something. "so, daddy, huh?"

josh groans and hides his face. "god, i didn't mean to say that. it was a slip."

"i have a daddy kink, so don't worry," tyler says, bending awkwardly so he can kiss josh on the cheek. josh turns a bit, and tyler meets him halfway when the shorter man goes in for a kiss on the lips.

***

josh forgets that he has football practice, so he has to have tyler drive him to where the football stadium is for their university. tyler smiles and waves slightly at josh as he gets out of the car, and josh says, "seeya," before closing the door. he lets out a breath as he tries not to be too obvious about limping as he walks the short distance from where tyler had dropped him off at to the doors.

he makes his way to the locker room, same as he has for the past three years. there's only one other person in there, and he's, honestly, the only person from the football team that josh likes. josh is the quarterback, and brendon's the kicker, and an underclassmen. he smiles up nervously at josh, saying, "hey, man."

josh grunts noncommittally before walking over to his locker, and getting his equipment out. he pulls his shirt, or, well, tyler's shirt, since he borrowed a t-shirt, and left his cardigan and button up at tyler's apartment so he had an excuse to go back over, over his head, and tries not to hiss at the soreness of his ass as he pulls his pants off.

brendon walks around a row of lockers to ask, "are you alright?" with a concerned look on his face. "you look like shit, no offense."

"i'm--i'm fine." brendon furrows his brows at the way josh says this, and when josh looks at him, he can tell that he has a question to ask, a question that's bugging him. "out with it, urie."

"you're gay, aren't you?"

josh freezes, and drops his jockstrap on accident. "why would you ask me that?"

"you're limping, you have hickeys and bite marks on your neck, and you weren't home last night. also, i kind of saw you getting into a car with another dude while i was taking the trash out. uh, sorry, christ, this is uncalled for."

josh sighs. "are you going to tell everyone?"

"oh, dude, no, don't worry about it. i'm--i'm bi, and i've been with the same guy since freshman year in high school. i just wanted to ask, and to know that i'm not the only queer who hangs with the popular crowd. my lips are sealed. i won't breathe a word of this to anyone, alright?"

josh nods, and picks his jockstrap up off the floor.

"anyways, since we're alone, and since i'm kind of a nosy shit who likes gossip material--"

"asshole, you said you wouldn't tell!"

"i'm going to gossip with my boyfriend. he lives on the other side of the country and he goes to harvard. here, uh..." brendon goes to the other side of the lockers, and grabs his phone, pulling up a picture of him and his boyfriend from his private facebook account. "his name's dallon weekes with an 'e' between the k and the s. look him up if you want proof."

"he's really cute," josh comments quietly.

"i know. _anyways_ , who did you fuck?"

josh figures it's against his better judgment, but he mumbles, "tyler joseph."

"oh, man, he's a cutie. kind of a slut, though. lets almost anyone fuck him."

josh's movements become rigid and his jaw is set as he pulls his jockstrap on, not really caring that brendon got an eyeful of his dick. he doesn't say anything as he pulls on the rest of his equipment, save for his helmet. josh _likes_ tyler. he likes him a lot. was tyler's affection just something that he gave josh out of obligation since he was so rough when he fucked him? was josh reading too much into anything? does tyler even _care_ about him? or is he just a booty call? he knows tyler is slutty, but he forgot about it until brendon brought it up.

"you like him, don't you?"

josh groans internally. brendon's apparently one of those people who are good at reading others. "yes, i do, and it's none of your business."

***

josh is sitting in a courtyard in a sort of secluded part of stanford university a week after his second one night stand with tyler, eating a salad and watching netflix on his mac when he gets a text message from him. tyler asks him if he wants to go to san francisco to go in an actual date, since the city is forty minutes away, and since stanford, the city, not the university, doesn't really have shit to do, and since they could probably get away with going on a date given the distance.

josh stares down at his phone, then turns the screen off, without replying. he quits paying attention to his laptop, and stares into his salad. he's been dodging tyler all week, having an excuse every time he asks to hang out or to see him. he wants to trust tyler not to fuck him over, but he can't bring himself to. josh is the kind of person who falls for someone hard and fast, and he knows it's happening with tyler. he can feel it.

it happened with two girlfriends he had in the past, even though it was more like a friend kind of love, but with tyler it's the serious kind of love, and he can feel it in his bones. he's never fallen for a guy before, and, alright, he's kind of scared shitless, and tyler's reputation of slutting around isn't doing anything to calm his nerves. the two girlfriends he platonically fell for both cheated on him, and, alright, josh kind of has some major self worth issues. and he should probably talk to tyler about it, but he doesn't, and just responds to his text with, _"sounds fun. call me this evening and we can make plans for this weekend or something."_

***

josh is working on an essay, one he's almost done with, when tyler calls him. josh smiles fondly at his contact picture before answering his phone with a timid, "hi, tyler."

 _"hey, princess."_ he greets, voice sounding fond, similar to the way josh had smiled at the picture. _"how you doing? you've been avoiding me all week."_

"uh, yeah, sorry. i'm awkward, i guess. i'm alright. um. one of the guys on the football team figured out i'm, uh, gay. he's bi, apparently, though, so, like... if he outs me i'll out him, or vice versa." josh shrugs and puts his pencil down, leaning back in his desk chair. "working on that essay in english that we have to present. i'm sort of dreading it."

_"why are you dreading it? it's just a little presentation. nothing too bad."_

"i dunno. i'm just scared people are gonna laugh at me or that i'm going to choke the presentation or something. or that i'm going to get a bad grade or get embarrassed by our professor."

_"what'd you do your essay about? i know the rubric said 'descriptive.' i just did mine about my exhibit last month, talking about nerves, and i talked about you a little bit. i was vague, though, so don't worry. just talked about how you brightened my day."_

josh finds himself smiling down into his lap, cheeks tinged a little pink. he tries to wipe the look off of his face, though. he doesn't want tyler getting in under the wire. "i did mine about, uh... insecurities. it's pretty bad, but i'll send it to you if you wanna see it or give me feedback."

_"i'm sure it's lovely. i've heard you talk before, and you're pretty good with words. i wouldn't be surprised if it's some, like, john green type shit, but better, since john green is kind of a shitty author in my opinion."_

josh chuckles. "nah... i don't think so. i don't really write much."

_"much? so you do write?"_

"uh... a little bit. i mostly stick to poetry. it's a guilty pleasure of mine, honestly. anyways, aren't we supposed to be planning a date?"

 _"that is why i was supposed to call you, i guess."_ tyler sighs wistfully, and from the noise he makes afterward, josh guesses that he's stretching, and can imagine him stretching sort of like a cat. _"i got a pretty decent paycheck from that exhibit, and i was thinking about treating you to something nice."_

"oh, geez, you don't have to, tyler."

_"i know i don't, but i want to. there's a restaurant i like. it's not very expensive but it's not very cheap either. mid range, honestly. i usually go whenever i have extra money because i like the steak and fettuccine alfredo. they've got good wine and beer too, but, uh, i'd like to avoid drinking that night. i'm sure you can guess where i'm going?"_

"does it start with 's' and end with 'x'?"

_"yes sir. or, well... princess. i'm the 'sir' here."_

"mhm," josh agrees with a small smile on his face. so, okay, he's a little wary of tyler, but talking to him gives him at least a little smidgen of hope that he isn't going to fuck him over.

***

josh dresses up in a blazer, tie, a decent button up, and slacks, plus his nicest pair of dress shoes. a few of the guys in his fraternity ask him what the hell he's dressed up for, and he answers honestly. "a date."

they all clap and whoop for him, grinning stupidly like every other fucking fuckboy in the world. "is she hot?" one of them asks.

josh nods. "yeah."

 _"sweet._ what's she look like?" they all look at him, intensely and curiously, and josh spiritually sighs.

"she's got brown hair, hazel eyes, tan skin but not fake tan, and she has freckles." alright, josh just described tyler, but they don't have to know that. "real pretty." josh awkwardly talks to them until they inevitably get distracted by something else, which gives him enough time to slip out without being noticed. tyler's car is parked where it'd been parked the last time he'd picked him up.

josh taps on the window again, and tyler opens it from the inside. when josh sits down in the car, and as tyler starts driving, the man says, "i can see why people assume you're a top. you're fucking hot. if you weren't so great on your back, i'd totally be bending over for you right now."

josh rolls his eyes. "quit that. think we can go an evening without you hitting on me?"

"bratty, i see," tyler comments nonchalantly.

josh sighs, now. "tyler, _i'm serious._ i want romance and a date tonight, not you talking about how much you want to fuck me or making inappropriate comments. i'm not in the mood."

tyler apologizes, and gently grabs josh's chin since they're at a stoplight, and leads him into a sweet kiss. "i don't know when to shut up sometimes. thank you for being honest with me."

josh shrugs.

a few minutes pass. "hey, are you alright? you're acting weird." tyler has concern written all over his face, and josh can't resist the way he internally swoons.

"i'm just stressed. pretty sure i bombed a test yesterday, and my teacher for economics kept picking on me to answer questions. i almost had an anxiety attack in her class, but managed to mentally talk myself down before anything happened. it's pathetic."

"hey, it ain't pathetic," tyler says as he's getting on the freeway. "i'm proud of you for talking yourself down, princess."

"really?" josh looks at him, disbelief all over his face.

"yeah, of course. i struggle with anxiety, so i know how huge and hard that can be." tyler reaches over and gently takes josh's hand, intertwining his fingers with his, since he can drive with one hand for a while given he's on the freeway right now.

"it's been a long time since anyone's said they're proud of me. i think the last time anyone actually said that to me it was dad, and it was three years ago when i got accepted into stanford on a full ride, and before that i was probably a child."

"what are your parents like?"

josh shrugs and smiles a little sadly when tyler rubs his thumb across his own. "i dunno how to explain it. they aren't good people or good parents in my opinion. i came out to them when i was sixteen or so and they reacted really badly. i got a choice between being kicked out or going back into the closet. i've had a few girlfriends that i've brought home to meet them, so they think i'm straight now, i guess. they've also always been so obsessed with me being some success. like, in the dun household, failure wasn't an option. i kept almost perfect grades in high school, while also being the quarterback of the football team, then i got offered a full ride from stanford. i don't even fucking like football, honestly."

"why don't you find something that you actually like doing then?"

"i can't afford to, and i'm not talented at anything else besides football."

"you said you write poetry."

"that's a hobby and it's not something i could make a career out of, or would want to. i took a theater class last semester, and it was fun. like, _really_ fun. i loved it. i took some dance lessons for it, and had fun doing stage makeup on myself for a certain musical."

"what role did you play?" tyler chuckles a little bit, curiously.

"promise me you won't tell anyone," josh says, solemnly.

"i promise i won't tell anyone."

"dr. frank-n-furter in rocky horror."

"dude, i went to one of those shows. no offense, but you were phenomenal. like, you've got a wicked voice, and you looked so hot in that make up and that get up."

josh half grins, turning his face away from tyler. "i liked it. i liked pretending to be someone else, and i'm good at it, but i'm afraid to pursue a career in something like that. my parents would have a coronary over it, and i can't switch majors or i'll lose my scholarship, and stanford's tuition is ridiculous."

"you were lying to me when you said you weren't talented, man."

"why shouldn't i? everyone thinks acting isn't a good career choice."

"josh, i'm an artist. do you _really_ think i'd be the one to judge you for that?"

josh squeezes tyler's hand. "not really, no. i'm just--i'm really insecure, alright?"

"listen, if it makes any difference, i would never make fun of you for something you're passionate about, and i wouldn't put you down about it either. i've had a hard enough time with my parents after coming out as gay and telling them i was pursuing art, and what they did--how they acted--it was really horrible and uncalled for, and i was miserable for a long time. i'm not going to do that to you."

"you're nice," josh comments, quietly.

tyler sighs a little bit. "i like you, josh. a lot. i mean, i know we've only known each other officially for a few months, and that we haven't talked a whole lot, but i think you're really cool, and, honestly, you've been one of the only people here who's been nice to me. and, like, i'm pretty sure you trust me, and i just--i want to protect you and take care of you. you're kind of hard to resist."

"shh, stop that. i'm pretty lame."

"nonsense. you aren't lame at all. anyways, backtracking to rocky horror." tyler spares josh a suggestive glance, and josh bites the inside of his cheek, knowing where it's going. "are you, uh...? into wearing that kind of stuff...?"

josh shrugs. "i don't know. i've never tried it."

"would you be up for trying?"

"what happened to not hitting on me tonight?"

"i can't help it," tyler whines.

"i guess i can indulge you. we got a long car ride anyways. i think i'd be up for wearing stuff like that."

"anything specific?"

"lingerie in general. i'd probably be really shy, though. not a whole lot of fun."

"that's alright. you're already really shy and i honestly don't mind it. you're cute."

josh grunts, cheeks red.

***

the dinner tyler treats josh to goes amazingly. the food is great, they have a decent conversation, and, alright, tyler's really charming. josh already knew that much, but listening to him talk for an extended period of time, and having a conversation with him that was more than small talk really drives this fact home.

near the end of the meal, tyler looks at josh, and says, "okay, i'm not trying to get into your pants right now, but you look really beautiful. can i like... take a picture? i'm not going to post it anywhere or share it but i just--i take pictures of people and i might or might not paint you but who knows. anything could happen."

josh grins shyly at tyler, since he's flattered, and since tyler's the one blushing and avoiding eye contact, whereas it's usually him. "you can take a picture of me, tyler."

tyler pulls his phone out, and opens the camera app. "i want two pictures. one of you smiling and one with your resting face. is that cool?"

josh nods. he smiles for the first one. it's not a wide smile or a fake one, just a sweet and genuine one that'd make anyone's heart melt. josh is a sweetheart, and that's not hard to see. in the second one, he doesn't make any facial expressions whatsoever.

they walk out of the restaurant, and josh gets tyler to lean against a wall with him, one of his (tyler's) arms around his shoulders, and one of josh's arms obviously around tyler's waist, showcasing how possessive tyler looks. josh takes a selfie, with his back camera facing him so they could use the flash on it. on the first try they get a perfect picture, and josh texts it to tyler.

"hey, josh? can i make this picture my background on my phone?" tyler asks as they walk down the sidewalk towards tyler's car. tyler's staring down at his phone, just looking at the picture.

"sure, if you want. would it be too much if i made it mine too?"

tyler shakes his head. "nah, it's a really cute picture. i'm probably going to spend a lot of time staring at my phone with a dopey look on my face if you're my background."

"i'll probably do the same with mine."

"should we do it?"

"hell yeah."

***

josh goes back to tyler's apartment, and they don't sleep together, instead, they cuddle on tyler's couch, watching titanic. josh had taken his blazer off, untied his tie and placed it neatly on tyler's coffee table, unbuttoned the top few buttons on his shirt, then kicked his dress shoes off before tyler pats his chest, signaling for josh to lay down.

josh sniffles throughout a lot of the movie, mumbling about how it's such bullshit that jack and rose couldn't be together, and tyler just holds him against his chest, shushing him and telling him it's just a movie, and to not let it get to him. tyler doesn't even seem to care that josh is getting tears on his shirt.

after the movie ends, tyler tries getting up, but finds that josh had fallen asleep at some point, probably close to the end of the movie, and he really, _really_ can't bring himself to get up or to wake josh, who looks so precious right now, so peaceful and calm and not at all tense like he usually is. he runs his fingers through josh's hair, and he's half expecting him to wake up, but he doesn't. instead, he sighs, and adjusts his position to get more comfortable.

eventually, tyler falls asleep to the sound of josh's soft breathing, and the almost silent whistling noise from his deviated septum, and only wakes up when josh wakes up around four, nudging him, sleepily saying, "can we go sleep in your room? s'more comfortable. my neck hurts."

tyler yawns, and sits up, replying softly with, "of course we can." he stands up, and takes josh's hands in his own. "let's go to bed, princess."

jokingly, josh says, "yes, daddy," with a giggle, and tyler snorts, but smiles, heart swelling with affection for this adorable man.

***

josh does the walk of shame through the house he shares with nine other people, telling them all to fuck off when they comment on it. josh sighs, a little happily, and sort of relieved, when he's in his room, finally. tyler had made him breakfast, and treated him like royalty until he had to leave to work on homework.

the rest of sunday is boring, and monday goes by like most mondays go, and then tuesday happens. he has his presentation in english that day, and josh snags a seat next to tyler that day. tyler sits in the back, so he holds josh's hand under the table, trying to nonvocally assure him that he'll be alright.

josh's name is called about half an hour into the two hour class, since his last name is a 'd' name, and since there aren't a lot of a, b, or c names in this specific class. he has his essay memorized, and he leaves one copy of it with tyler, and brings the other copy up with him to give to his teacher for her to grade. she looks at him, quietly asking, "don't you need this...?"

josh shakes his head, mumbling, "i memorized it," before walking to stand in the center, in everyone's line of vision, trying not to focus on how many people are sitting in the auditorium, trying to pretend that there isn't fifty people staring at him, waiting for him to start talking, to recite his stupid fucking essay.

josh glances at tyler, who just nods, mouthing, "i believe in you," and that's, honestly, all it takes for josh to get started.

_"he has brown eyes, brown eyes that shine gold in the sunlight, brown eyes that have seen too much, brown eyes that squeeze themselves shut to shield their host from the horrors of the world. brown hair that's never brushed, always sticking up, because, hey, it's not like he can bring himself to care about it, when he has so much stuff on his plate._

_"pressure, unbearable pressure, be a success, carry your football team to a national championship, each year, without fail, don't let people know you feel things, it's not manly, it's girly, it's bullshit--why isn't he allowed to feel, why isn't he allowed to be scared, why does everyone think they can shove all of this responsibility onto him, and expect him not to crack like the foundation of an old house, an old house that's seen wear and tear, an old house with people who come in, use it, then leave without a second thought, always leaving it even more of a mess than it was before they came into its life._

_"grow up, find someone, find someone and marry them even if you're never going to be able to even comprehend loving them, never going to understand what love even feels like, because he's going to be forced to let his soulmate go at some point, knowing his family won't accept it, knowing society won't, his school won't, his friends won't, knowing he just has to conform, fit into a norm, a cookie cutter norm, prepared to cut and shape and mold him like snowflake shaped sugar cookies on christmas morning._

_"they say your dreams are stupid, they say you can't follow them, they say you can't do what makes you happy, because it's unrealistic, unreliable--but what's better, doing what you love or doing something you despise for the fat paycheck that you get every two weeks, for the retirement fund, the fortune, the fame, the fortune and fame that you could just as easily achieve if you followed your actual dream in the first place._

_"all these thoughts of rebellion, all this pent up anger and frustration, yet he continues to sit there, at midnight on a friday that he could be spending doing something he actually cares about rather than reading a sheet of paper with roughly a thousand words, over and over, memorizing it, memorizing every scribble of every word he screwed up, memorizing the way the printer makes small and minute mistakes here and there, how the lettering is sometimes inconsistent._

_"hands that shake too much, hands that are cold, hands that have to scrub at red and wet eyes, hands that have to support his head because he can't bear to keep it upright, can't bear to let more people than necessary see him weak--a voice that trembles and shakes, a voice that cracks nervously, a laugh that peels out of his throat out of reflex whenever he's nervous or scared or anxious or trying to hide the fact that he's so miserable, trying to hide the fact that he hates who he is, that he hates the person people think he is, that he hates the person he's expected to be._

_"not to mention how much he thinks of himself--it's not worth even mentioning, similar to him, he's not worth talking about, he's not worth caring about, he's not worth anyone's time, he's not enough, there's always someone better--everyone leaves him, two girlfriends who would rather break his heart and fuck his former best friend rather than just telling him the truth, two parents who would rather see him miserable than be who he is, two siblings who are shamed into not associating with him, friends he can't trust, friends that never bother to ask if he's alright, never bothering to help him, never bothering to actually notice that he's like a broken vase glued together again--one wrong touch from just the right angle and he can shatter, break into a million more pieces, never able to be fixed, never completely, anyways._

_"but, hey, none of that matters, because he's on an inevitable path of self destruction, trapped in a sea of spirits, smoke clouding his vision, choking him and making his eyes burn, snow freezing him to the core, egging him on, decreasing his chances of survival, decreasing his chances of coming out of this alive._

_"his life is a mess and he can always start things but he can never finish them, kind of like this essay that forced him to dig too deep, just because he's a perfectionist and couldn't bring himself to bullshit and to pretend that the dirty and polluted beaches around lake cleveland are actually beautiful, claiming that the lake is home, even when he's never felt at home in his entire life, except for when he's in the arms of a lover he's not even supposed to have. it doesn't matter, though, because he doesn't have anything else to say, or anything else to describe."_

josh looks down at his feet, red faced, embarrassed, overwhelmed when one person starts clapping, probably tyler, honestly, and even more overwhelmed when everyone joins in. he figures he should be excited, happy that people liked what he did, but he presses his palms against his eyes when he feels the familiar hot and sticky sensation of tears building up in his eyes. it ends up dead silent in the room, and josh can barely register the sound of a chair scratching against the floor and feet softly hitting the floor of the stairs in the auditorium, and he barely registers hands on his shoulders and tyler whispering, _"c'mon, let's get you out of here,"_ into one of his ears, quiet enough that no one else can hear him.

josh lets tyler take his hands away from his eyes, and lets him lead him towards the stairs and up to the back of the auditorium to where they'd been sitting, him wiping at his eyes, sniffling, and trying not to start actually crying, at least until he's outside and out of earshot. he stands there uselessly as tyler puts a few of josh's papers back into the manila folder that he used to hold assignments until he could get back to his room to organize, and before he's packing his own things into a small, one inch binder, and grabbing his pencil bag, then placing all three items into his backpack before leaving the room with josh.

***

tyler, despite liking josh a lot, hasn't ever had a huge glimpse into his personal life, and the shorter man hasn't ever really even opened up to him, at least not yet. he’s in a slight state of shock because he never realized that josh was so… miserable. present time he's walking down a hallway, towards two doors at the end that lead to outside. josh actually lets go and starts ugly crying the second they're outside, and tyler takes his face in his hands, forcing him to make eye contact, asking, "what do you need?"

josh is blubbering and trying to form words, but failing miserably, sobbing growing worse. tyler steps up and takes control of the situation, quietly saying, "follow me, josh."

josh nods weakly, mumbling a, "yes, sir," before breaking into another fit of sobs. tyler keeps his hand firmly on josh's back, leading him down a pretty lengthy path of sidewalks, until they're at a parking lot, the one tyler's car is in. when they're standing next to it, tyler looks into the back seat, pleased to see that it's clean. he instructs josh to sit back there while he's in the driver's seat, tuning the car on so he can use the air conditioner, since it's a little warm out, and since tyler noticed josh was sweating.

tyler gets into the backseat with josh, sitting on the other side of the seat. he kicks his shoes off, and tells josh to do the same. (he does.) josh ends up crying into tyler's shoulder for a while, muttering things like, "it's too much, too much," or, "too loud--too loud--too loud," and even, "wish my brain would just shut up."

"put your head in my lap, princess," tyler instructs, gently, pleased when josh is maneuvering himself until he's in almost a fetal position to lay with his head in tyler's lap. the back seat is a little cramped but josh is upset and can't think properly. "close your eyes." when josh does, tyler runs his fingers through his hair. "good boy. i want you to focus on my fingers. focus on how they feel in your hair, how they move, how it feels when i do _this,"_ tyler pauses as he clenches his fist in josh's hair. not enough to hurt him, but enough to where, if he so wanted, he could yank on it pretty good.

josh nods a little bit. "i'll try."

and josh does try. it doesn't take him long to go from panicking to pliant, almost putty in tyler's hands, leaning into his touch every time his hand comes to a rest in his hair, or even when it's moving, or pulling on it. he feels sort of as if he's been brought back to earth from some weird, miserable place, and even tells tyler as much.

"that's what i was going for. i was trying to ground you."

"it worked," josh informs him.

"i'm glad. what got you worked up?"

"too many people watching, too many people i was sharing such an insecure and personal part of myself with. i should've been happy that everyone was clapping, but mostly i couldn't focus on anything else other than the fact that the noise of all the clapping was deafening."

"it was a beautiful essay, josh," tyler supplies, honestly. "it was beautiful, and i really like how you describe things. i liked how you were blunt and real but did it in a seemingly artistic way. it was captivating."

josh whines a little bit, hiding his face for the millionth time since he even met tyler.

"you have a praise kink, don't you?" tyler asks with a bit of a shit-eating look on his face, chuckling.

josh nods a little bit. "i'm pretty sure i do."

"oh, princess, that is so precious." tyler manages to bend down enough to where he can kiss josh's cheek. they sit there in silence for a while, tyler's not sure how long, but josh rolls over, and pushes tyler's t-shirt up a little bit, eyes half lidded, so he can start pressing tiny kisses against the trail of hair stretching down from tyler's navel, and sucking hickeys onto the skin on tyler's lower abdomen. "and exactly what are you doing?" tyler raises his eyebrows, staring down at josh.

"wanna suck you," he mumbles back with no hesitation, propping himself up a little bit to where he can palm tyler's cock through his jeans. tyler lets out soft, deep breaths, sometimes moaning softly depending on how much pressure josh uses.

josh unbuckles tyler's belt, then unbuttons his jeans. even to tyler, the sound of his own zipper being pulled down sounded like heaven, but the way josh's lips ghost over his cock, which is still trapped in his briefs, feels even holier than that. josh gets bored of that pretty quickly, and pulls tyler's briefs down far enough for his cock to spring up. josh moans softly, almost silently--it's been almost three weeks since he's seen this dick, and he swears that it looks beautiful.

josh strokes it a few times, and takes the head into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, before he's basically nuzzling the base of it. "you're so big, daddy."

tyler bites his lip at that, running his fingers through josh's hair. he catches josh moving his hand down to touch himself, but he bats it away. "don't touch yourself. i'll take care you."

josh lets out a breath at the promise of that, and waits to actually start sucking tyler off until the taller man has turned around in the seat, back against the door, giving josh easier access. his head sinks a little further down onto tyler's cock, going until his nose is pressed against the coarse, dark brown hairs surrounding his cock. tyler pets his hair more, as if to silently praise him before he's lifting his head back up, until just the tip is in his mouth, then sinking all the way down again. he repeats that process a few more times before he starts bobbing his head, always lifting back up when tyler's cock hits the back of his throat, and not when it pushes past the resistance of his tonsils, stroking whatever isn't fitting into his mouth.

josh is obscene, provocative, desperate, ass sticking up into the air, and eventually he pulls off of tyler's dick, a mixture of spit and tyler's precum on his lips, eyes wet, saying, "want you to fuck me."

tyler lifts his hips up to get his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. he pulls out the condom and packet of lube he always keeps in his wallet, and hands the packet of lube to josh, saying, "if you stretch yourself and make a show out of it, then i will."

josh smirks, though. "don't need to stretch. fucked myself on a pretty big dildo this morning. didn't think i was going to get fucked for real today."

tyler tilts his head back, eyes closed, a small whine leaving his lips. "should've called me on skype or something. let me watch."

"maybe next time," josh is saying as he sits up so he can pull his jeans off, leaving them in the floorboard. tyler scoots until he's sitting in the middle seat in the backseat, facing forward, and looking up at josh with wide and adoring eyes as the muscular man is straddling his thighs. josh doesn't waste a whole lot of time with taking the condom from tyler, and rolling it onto his cock, nor does he waste a bunch of time slicking it up with lube before he's lifting his own hips up and dropping down onto tyler's cock hungrily.

josh rolls his hips, eventually bouncing up and down quickly, with tyler meeting him half way, bucking his hips up fast and hard. either of them only last about five or ten minutes before tyler's coming, then josh following shortly after. they sit there, panting, until tyler's gently lifting josh off of him, and reaching into the front seat and grabbing a few napkins that he keeps in his console, just in case. he wipes josh's come from his hand, and ties his condom off, wrapping it in the same napkin, then, after making sure no one else was near his car, he discreetly opens the door and drops it outside.

josh looks at him, saying, "you're gross, dude."

"i'm not walking forty feet just to go throw a used condom and a makeshift cum rag into a garbage can."

josh rolls his eyes, and pulls his pants and underwear back on, at the same time that tyler's tucking himself back into his underwear, zipping his jeans up and buttoning them. after this, tyler and josh decide to skip classes for the rest of the day, taking to just sitting in the taller one's apartment, watching musicals. (josh talks tyler into watching funny girl, and tyler knows exactly where he found out about it from, knows exactly why he likes it, and definitely teases him about it, making it a vow to start calling him rachel, and josh just gently socks him in the shoulder, telling him to shut up and watch the damn thing with him.)

***

the next time josh sees tyler, it's the weekend after thanksgiving, and it's tyler's birthday. he's exhausted--he's spent the past four days in atlanta, since they had a big football game on thanksgiving day, like, the kind of game that would determine whether or not they progressed forward towards a national championship, but despite that, he still finds himself dressing up as best as he can without looking like he's trying too hard, and he still walks the twenty minute walk from where he lives on campus, to where tyler lives, off campus.

when he walks into tyler's apartment, he's half expecting the now twenty two year old to throw him onto the bed and fuck him senseless, after putting the bouquet of flowers josh had gotten him into a vase, of course. a bouquet was all josh was really able to afford, but tyler still appreciates it nonetheless, kissing him on the forehead, saying, "thank you, princess."

josh just smiles a small, stupid little smile, and tyler pecks him on the lips.

"i, uh--i have a few friends coming over to celebrate my waning mortality. you're cool with that, right? sorry, i forgot to say something. i don't mean to just spring this on you."

josh shifts back and forth on his feet a little bit. "i dunno. depends on who your friends are."

"they're nice, and they're all queer, so they wouldn't out you. um. i kinda... i kinda wanted to introduce you to them. they're like my family and i kind of like you, so i kinda want their blessing. i mean, i've been talking about this mysterious man of my dreams, never giving any names or specific details, and they're starting to believe that i'm lying."

"man of your dreams?" josh raises his eyebrows.

tyler rolls his eyes and throws a clean paintbrush at him from where he's standing in his kitchen. (there's paint brushes in all sorts of places around his apartment, all of them just ending up wherever by accident. it's handy, though, if tyler ever gets the overwhelming urge to paint in an odd spot of his apartment.) "shut up. anyways... are you alright with meeting them?"

"again, depends on who they are."

"okay, uh. jenna, you know jenna. i've been friends with her since i started going here, and you're friends with her too, apparently. she knows you're gay, right?"

josh nods. "oh, yeah, of course she does. she's the only person besides you and the one bi guy from football who does, though."

"alright, yeah. she's coming. mark is coming. i don't actually know whether he's gay, straight, or something else, but he's really chill. kind of a smart ass, but he's cool. he's in the film department. directs and records short films, indie films, music videos, etcetera."

"oh, yeah, i know mark. uh, he uh--last year the football team did some jokey video and he's the one who recorded it for us. i like him."

tyler nods and smiles a little bit. "i think debby and ashley are carpooling since gas is expensive, but, of course, they're gonna be here. debby's really nice--big lesbian, total mother figure. ashley... she's kind of a bitch, but she's really nice at the same time, honestly? like, i mean, she has a low tolerance for bullshit. i think that's a better way to put it. there's a few other people who might or might not show, but, honestly, we're probably going to smoke pot and eat popcorn and watch old disney movies."

"when are they all supposed to come over?"

"by four. some of them have to be back in their dorms by a certain time or they get locked out, so we're starting early. jenna and debby live off campus. together. they're together. i forgot to mention that. also jenna isn't in college but you know that." tyler waves his hand dismissively. "didn't mean to ramble."

josh shakes his head. "it's fine, man. don't sweat it. we have had mind blowingly amazing sex, like, six times since august. i think i can handle hearing you talk about your friends."

tyler grins sort of shyly and scratches his cheek, which is tinged red, before looking up at josh from his place, leaning on the island in his kitchen, and beckons him over with his fingers. josh steps towards him and tyler gently grabs josh's chin with his left hand once he's in reaching distance, leading him into a kiss. it's not a very deep kiss, and it's really gentle and sweet and josh notices that tyler isn't trying to assert his dominance for once. (not that he minds, of course.)

either of them ruin the kiss a few times from grinning, but they keep going back for more until josh giggles a little and stands up, shaking his head. tyler pouts. "j _ooo_ sh, come back. i miss you."

"i'm standing right next to you," josh says through his soft giggles.

"but you aren't kissing me, and that's, like, illegal or something."

josh rolls his eyes sarcastically and tugs on tyler's arm, getting him to stand up properly. he places his hands on tyler's shoulders, and tyler's are on his hips as josh leans up just a little bit the kiss the taller man. josh has literally had this man fuck him six ways from sunday multiple times, calling him degrading names while also treating him like a princess, in the least emasculating way possible, yet it's a kiss in his kitchen that isn't even really an objectively good kiss that makes his heart stutter and his stomach flutter.

they get interrupted by a knock on tyler's door, though, and tyler looks a little disgruntled as he steps away from josh to answer it. josh steps around the island, standing on the side furthest away from the door, tentatively watching tyler's face light up as he sees whoever had just arrived. the door opens in a way to where josh couldn't see who it was at first _,_ until the guests walk in.

***

josh kind of likes tyler's friends. they're intimidating and all, but they're nice, and good company. he's still relieved, though, when everyone is finally gone, and he can have some quality alone time with tyler. given they're both stoned at a little tipsy, the sex they have that night is slow and doesn't leave josh limping in the morning when he wakes up, nor does he have to find an excuse for any hickeys, since tyler didn't give him any for once.

josh wakes up to tyler kissing all over his face, and he smiles and he's about to kiss tyler on the mouth, but tyler stops him, saying, "get up, sleepyhead. i made breakfast."

"what'd you make?" josh asks groggily, looking up at tyler.

"chocolate chip waffles. homemade, too. i didn't use a mix."

"chocolate syrup?"

"of course."

"you've got to be the one, i swear," josh grumbles as he gets up from the bed, slowly walking towards tyler's kitchen, not really caring that he's naked. tyler's naked as well anyways. he kind of likes how normal it feels to be eating chocolate chip waffles drowned in chocolate syrup, while naked, with tyler.

"i've never noticed how cute your ass is," josh comments when tyler's turning around to get a cup from a cupboard, since he wanted orange juice with his own breakfast. he looks over his shoulder and playfully sticks his tongue out at josh.

"i don't do squats for nothing. you've got a cute ass too."

"mm, well, it must be cute, since your dick seems to love it," josh replies dryly and before he can even think.

tyler sets his empty glass down on the counter and throws his head back to laugh. "true, very true. so, what are you doing during break?"

"going home, or, well, at least to visit my parents and some family. we have a big game in the city my parents live in on the twenty fourth, so i'm going to be there anyways, and they'd be offended if i didn't visit."

tyler makes a face. "well, shit. you were my last out. now _i_ have to go home and visit my family. haven't seen them in two years."

"sorry, i guess. haven't seen mine since spring break. oh, shit, they don't know i broke up with my last girlfriend." josh makes a face and groans. "they're so going to flip me shit if i tell them i broke up with her for cheating on me, because the one before her did the same thing."

"or you could bring me with you, and kill two birds with one stone."

"how would i be killing two birds with one stone?"

"you'd be telling them you're gay, and you'd be letting me avoid my family for another few months at the least."

"sounds like a good concept, but i don't want you to be there when i decide to drop the bomb. it's something i have to talk to them about on my own."

***

josh doesn't realize how much _good_ tyler has done for his life until he faces the possibility of not being able to see him for an entire month. he's busy for the two weeks following tyler's birthday with both finals and traveling, since there's a football game in fucking idaho the week before break. like, who knew that idaho actually had a college with a good team, y'know? of course, josh's team wipes the floor with them, but he's still not within walking distance of tyler.

sure, the two of them could've pulled a few strings to see each other, but schedules never aligned, and either of them were too exhausted to bother, considering it was finals week. josh regrets not putting more effort into seeing tyler, though, when his plane is touching down in columbus, because now he _can't_ see tyler until after new years, and he kind of needs to just cuddle with him, craving his affection and his praise more than anything, even more than he's craving to be fucked into the mattress until he can't walk the next morning.

josh really doesn't even know when and how tyler managed to become such a huge part of his life, how he's the person josh goes to, the person that he trusts the most out of anyone he knows, the one person he likes, the one guy he's ever really actually and _truly_ liked, and he has to wonder how he's suddenly so dependent on the taller and slightly older man. (there's a six month age difference between the two of them.)

well, he's not that dependent on tyler, since he can function just fine on his own, but the truth is, with the dynamic of his relationship with tyler and how well they work and mesh together, he's happier than he's been in his entire life. maybe not happier, but he doesn't fully hate his life anymore, because, hey, there's at least that one thing that's actually going good, y'know?

present time, though, josh's mother and father are waiting for him, as are his little sister and his little brother, both of whom haven't talked to him on their own since he left for stanford. he still greets them with smiles and hugs and intentionally annoying kisses on the cheek.

josh carries his own luggage through the terminal and out to the parking lot, and he's a little annoyed when he's crammed into the middle of the back seat with his two siblings. his dad asks him about college, and football, asking him if he's still with that _marissa_ girl, a name he hasn't heard since he broke up with the bitch. josh isn't fond of using the word bitch, but she deserves it in his opinion. like, after what he told her about his ex girlfriend cheating on him with his best friend, he finds it especially shitty when she, literally, does the exact some thing, dumping him and leaving him to dry.

"you seem like you're in a better mood, honey," his mom says, giving him a friendly smile.

he's leaning forward a bit in his seat, arms resting on his legs, picking at one of his fingernails. "i guess."

"you met anyone new?" his dad gives him raised eyebrows through the rear view mirror.

"there's someone," he says, intentionally vague.

"ooh, what's she like?" ashley is grabbing josh's shoulder and making him sit up straight so she can make eye contact with him as she says this.

"um... nice. i guess. really nice. we aren't really... exclusive yet, since we just haven't gotten around to or haven't really had the chance to establish anything. i'd say it's sorta serious, though." josh rambles, before looking away from his sister and back to his fingernail that he's still picking at. "can i tell you guys something, and can you guys promise not to flip your shit?"

his parents, not expecting what he's about to do, tell him to go for it, and promise not to 'flip their shit.'

"i'm still gay. lied when i said it was a phase. been seeing someone really nice since august."

his mom just smiles, saying, "honey, we know. your siblings talked us into joining a pflag group, and we've been trying to educate ourselves. hasn't been easy, but we're trying."

"oh, jesus fucking christ, why didn't you guys tell me you all knew? i've spent so long playing the pronoun game." josh groans and hides his face in his hands.

***

after josh eats a little something, he goes up to his old room, saying something about jet lag and wanting to have some time to decompress. he closes the door, locks it, out of habit, and changes into one of tyler's slightly oversized shirts that he'd borrowed and never gave back at some point, and briefs.

he plugs his phone into the plugin next to the bed, and lays on his stomach as he waits for it to turn on. he goes to his conversation with tyler, and types out a message that he spends a while debating on whether or not to send to him, before accidentally pressing the button.

 

 **josh:** i miss you :(

 **tyler:** i miss you too, princess.

 **tyler:** feels kinda weird not having the luxury of being able to see you whenever i want.

 **josh:** yeah. i was thinking about that on the flight from stanford to my parents. :(

 **josh:** oh, i came out to them, by the way.

 **tyler:** how'd it go?

 **josh:** they joined pflag about a year or two ago, apparently, and they're just... cool with it. told them i was seeing someone. that okay?

 **tyler:** yeah. it's okay with me. :)

 **josh:** hh ive been stressing so much about seeing them i just want you to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be alright

 **tyler:** :((( you're making it hard for me to not miss you so much.

 **josh:** im a mess im tearing up rn i wish we got the chance to see each other before break

 **josh:** i really need a hug

 **tyler:** ill give you tons of hugs when we see each other again

 **tyler:** you should take a nap, baby. you’ve been traveling most of the day, right?

 **josh:** i haave :( i just wanted to talk to you before i fell asleep. you got a way of making me feel alright.

 **tyler:** i have magic powers :) for real, tho, go sleep. you need to get some rest.

 

josh smiles at his phone and turns the screen off. tyler’s right. he needs to get some rest.

***

josh hates playing away games because crowds tend to boo his team and, alright, he shouldn’t be playing football if he can’t handle being booed. he can handle it, but it still stings a little. he gets through the first quarter of the game against ohio state, and, of course, stanford’s already wiping the floor with the other team.

josh sits with his head back, drinking water, between the first and second quarter, and he wants to be annoyed at the person sitting behind him in the stands who throws a balled up napkin at him, but when he turns around to glare, he sees _tyler,_ standing there in his stupid stanford sweatshirt, smiling at him with every bit of sunshine in the solar system.

josh grins, and his first reflex is to hop up and hug tyler, but he can’t, so he just turns around on the bench and grins back at him. “what are you doing here?”

“parents thought it’d be exciting for me to go to a football game today, and got good tickets apparently. it didn’t click in my head that it was stanford and ohio state until i was getting ready, because my parents were all like, ‘tyler, honey, you can’t wear your stanford stuff to this game,’ since i’m supposed to support ohio state. like, given how much i spend on tuition, i have a right to root for stanford’s football team.”

josh cackles. “that’s amazing. i’m glad you’re here, man.”

tyler smiles and nods. “i need to go back to my seats, but, uh, text me after the game. we should… hang out.” tyler winks and josh shakes his head a little bit.

they grin at each other, then tyler’s standing up and going back up the stairs so he can go to wherever his seats are at. josh turns around on the bench, and inhales slowly. _i can do this. tyler’s here. i’m going to win this and make him proud._

***

tyler ends up going home with josh and josh’s family, since less people live at his house. josh doesn’t talk a whole lot throughout the car ride, opting to just lean on tyler with his eyes closed, and tyler answers any and all questions that get thrown at him with ease.

josh shoos his parents off, and drags tyler up to his bedroom. tyler giggles a little bit at how josh throws himself into his arms once the door is closed behind him, but he doesn’t say anything, because he’s a little preoccupied with running fingers through josh’s hair and hugging him. “you okay, baby?”

“we won. i’m okay. it was really hard, though.”

tyler huffs. “nonsense. you’re brilliant at football. they barely even scored more than ten points, and you scored almost all of the points for stanford.”

“not almost, but a lot of them,” josh mumbles.

tyler shrugs a little bit, and nudges josh towards the shorter one’s bed. “still, though,” tyler starts as he’s crawling onto josh’s bed to lay behind him, holding him close to his chest. “i don’t know a lot about football, but you did so good. m’proud of you.”

josh lets out a soft noise, and they lay there for a while, silent, with tyler’s thumb rubbing circles into josh’s wrist, and josh breathing quietly, melting and turning into putty. “the championship game is on the eighth in arizona. i'm already stressed about it.”

“tomorrow's christmas, princess. worry about it after new years.”

“my back is sore,” josh mumbles into his pillow.

“from football?”

“of course.”

tyler pushes josh onto his stomach, and kisses the back of his neck, asking, “want me to rub it for you?” as he slides his hands far enough up the back of josh’s shirt for them to rest near his waist.

“only if you’re willing to use icyhot,” josh replies. “that stuff works like a charm on my back.”

“i eat ass and i’ve eaten yours. i can handle using icyhot,” tyler remarks with a chuckle. “do you have any with you?”

josh nods. “think there’s a travel sized tube in my suitcase. it’s the pouch on the top on the front.”

after tyler nods, josh peels his shirt off, and watches the other boy as he looks for the tube. “you’ve got some questionable stuff in your suitcase, babe.”

josh asks, “like what?” when tyler’s straddling his hips.

“lube, a paperclip, and i think i saw a picture of prince zuko.”

“okay, listen--” josh props himself up so he can look over his shoulder and at tyler while he defends himself. “i’ve had that suitcase for almost ten years, and i had a crush on zuko when i was a kid. can’t knock a guy for crushing on zuko.”

“i liked sokka, honestly,” tyler shrugs and smiles a little bit before nudging josh, meaning for him to lay back down. he’s gentle as he starts rubbing the lotion into josh’s back, starting at his shoulders. “you’re so tense. maybe football isn’t the career for you.”

“my ideal career isn’t realistic right now. i think i’ll play in the nfl for a few years, save some money, then use it to fund myself should i ever want to pursue a career in acting or singing or something.”

“mm,” tyler grunts quietly. “my career isn’t realistic.”

“yeah, but you have grants and scholarships paying for your degree, and you probably took art classes in high school. i was in football, _just_ football. though, i do have a full ride. also, like, you’re talented. really talented.”

“i could argue the same thing.” tyler gently grinds his palm against a knot in josh’s back. “you’re real good at acting and singing, if rocky horror taught us anything.”

“your hands are magic, tyler. enough about me as dr. frank-n-furter. more about you and your hands. holy shit. how are you so-- _ahh--_ so good at this?”

“like you said-- _magic._ also, i used to do this for a roommate i had when i first started going to stanford. he worked at some warehouse in san francisco, lifting a bunch of stuff, and i’d rub his back for him sometimes. nothing sexual or romantic, either. he was straight.”

josh nods, and doesn’t say anything else as tyler continues rubbing his back.

***

“why’d you get me so many presents? i feel spoiled.” josh grumbles a little bit, biting his lip, brows furrowed, as he looks up at tyler, who is handing him his fifth and last present.

“because you’re cute when you blush. also, this gift is more or less for me, even though i say it’s for you.”

the two of them are seated on the floor in tyler’s living room. josh’s present for tyler wasn’t anything magnificent--just a set of brushes he’d been wanting for a while, and tyler’s presents… well, one was super sentimental and made josh tear up a little bit, and the other three that he’d opened were just small little things--nothing fancy, but they still meant a lot to josh nonetheless.

the sentimental present was a painting. it was a portrait of josh, done in a mixture of josh’s favorite colors, shades of blue and pink, and josh admits that he feels a little douchey for it, but he’s definitely hanging it up in his bedroom, regardless of what anyone says. it’s a beautiful painting and he’s touched.

present time, though, no pun intended, josh is picking at a piece of scotch tape so he can open the last present without tearing any wrapping paper. josh gasps and whacks tyler in the chest with the back of his hand, face burning. “you’re the worst person alive, i swear to god.”

“hey, man, you said you’d be willing to try, and they’re tasteful, so don’t knock it quite yet.”

josh groans quietly as he holds up a, you guessed it, tasteful pair of panties--black lace on black satin.

“they’re specifically made for men, so, like, your junk won’t fit all weird in them.” tyler smirks a little bit as he leans forward, kissing the corner of josh’s jaw, then whispering, “why don’t you try them on?” into his ear.

josh is mumbling, “yes, sir,” without even thinking about it as he stands up, heading towards tyler’s room, since his room has a ceiling to floor mirror in it. josh has to admit that, once he has the panties on, they look _amazing_ on him. josh is already toned just from his years of playing football, meaning his ass is _amazing, meaning_ he _knows_ tyler’s going to eat him up like he were some weird lebanese thing that tyler’s always eating.

josh tells tyler to close his eyes before he’s walking back into his living room. he seats himself in tyler’s lap, hands planted on tyler’s shoulders, and he almost giggles at the way tyler’s hands seemingly instinctively gravitate to his hips. “can i open my eyes yet?”

“yeah.”

tyler’s eyes open, and josh hides his face in his hands when tyler’s eyes are gravitating _down._ “why are you hiding?” tyler asks with a good natured chuckle.

“i’m embarrassed but not quite embarrassed,” josh mumbles.

“why’s that? you’re adorable.” tyler bats josh’s hands away from his face, and kisses him gently, hands returning to their previous position on his hips.

josh grunts. “i know i am, but it’s weird.”

“what? you aren’t allowed to be cute?”

“i’ve never been allowed to be cute before. it’s a weird feeling, alright? it’s not overly common for football prodigies to be _cute.”_

“fuck what other people say, babe. you are adorable. god, i just wanna eat you up.” tyler’s grinning and josh is blushing and then they’re kissing again and josh is letting himself melt a little bit. tyler is nice, he’s warm, he’s safe, he’s stable, and josh lo--likes him. just likes. that’s it.

that’s also a lie and if josh wasn’t in the middle of making out with tyler, he’d probably be running out of the door at his little realization. loving tyler wasn’t a part of his plan, even though he never explicitly had a plan in the first place. tyler somehow senses that something’s off with josh, though, because he pulls away, asking, “you okay, babe?”

josh nods. “yeah, yeah, i’m--i’m fine. just, uh… it’s nothing. not important right now.”

tyler holds josh away from him a little bit. “obviously it is, because you’re kissing weirdly. tell me what’s wrong. wouldn’t feel good if things escalated and i knew you weren’t completely comfortable.”

“alright, look--i’m nothing special, and i don’t expect any special treatment from you, or i try not to, but then stuff like this happens.”

tyler doesn’t look necessarily offended, but he does frown. “what makes you think that?”

josh scoffs a little bit. not at tyler, but he scoffs nonetheless. he slides off of tyler’s lap, and grabs the blanket that’s on his couch so he can cover himself. “you--you sleep with almost everyone, and--i’ll be honest--i’m not--i’m nothing spectacular compared to some of the other guys at stanford.” josh sighs, and tilts his head towards the ceiling, eye closed. “like i said, i’m nothing special.”

“josh, i haven’t slept with anyone else since i met you, and just because i like sex--well, that doesn’t make me a whore. not gonna lie, but i kind of hoped you thought better of me.” josh opens his eyes and looks at tyler at that, and the way the taller man looks like a kicked puppy hits something in josh, and that something catches in his throat.

“shit--fuck--tyler--that’s not--that’s not what i meant. i didn’t mean to offend you. i’m so, _so_ sorry.” tears are starting to well up in josh’s eyes as he continues. “i just--i didn’t really think you actually liked me. like, i have--i have issues with trusting people and you’re not the kind of person i wanted to let myself trust because the last two girlfriends i had cheated on me and even though i’m gay and didn’t like them like that--well--it still--it still hurt, because it was like i wasn’t _enough_ for them, and i’ve been so scared of feeling like that again, and then y-you came along, and--”

“hey, hey,” tyler’s muttering quietly as he’s scooting over to josh and holding him against his side. “breathe, alright? i’m not mad at you, princess. listen to me. i _really_ like you. you’re funny, you’re cute, you’re _beautiful,_ and--like--you’re fucking perfect, if i’m honest. you’re also one of the only people who’s been nice to me since i’ve been here too, and you’re just--you’re special to me. you’re a great person, and i wouldn’t in the first place, but, you’re not the kind of person i’d fuck around on.”

josh starts babbling a little bit, scrubbing at his face, trying to form words, mostly just saying, “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry,” over and over while tyler holds him and shushes him while running his fingers through his brown hair until josh can actually find it in himself to say, “i just--i don’t know what to think, because all we do is fuck and sometimes we cuddle and sometimes you kiss me and we did go on that one date but it’s never anything more than fucking our brains out every other week and _maybe_ you make me breakfast if you’re in the mood, but that’s always _it,_ and it confuses me because i really, _really_ like you.”

“i think we should stop sleeping together,” tyler mumbles into josh’s hair.

aaand josh panics. “wait, what?”

tyler cuts josh off before the shorter but not smaller of the two can work himself up even more. “i said stop sleeping together, not stop seeing each other. listen, josh--i think we should stop sleeping together for a while. like i said--i like you, and if--if i’m honest, i could picture us having a future together. like, a shared costco membership kind of future together, but that’s not going to happen if you can’t trust me, alright?”

josh runs that through his head a few times before he snorts softly and giggles a little bit. he wipes at his face again. “costco?”

“yeah, man. that’s, like, the kind of thing old married couples do, right? they go to costco and get giant packs of, fuckin’... graham crackers. seriously, though… i want whatever we have to last.”

josh nods meekly. “i do too.”

“then let’s work on that, yeah?”

josh nods again, then leans up a little to kiss tyler’s jaw. “yeah.”


End file.
